A very depressing thought

I realized today that I have become someone who lives in a mess. It's been over a year and a half, and the place is still a mess and will be for at least a few years. It was a depressing crashdown into reality to think that this isn't just a temporary stopover, but a long-term situation. I never pictured myself living in a mess. I am really neat and like a clean, uncluttered space. Even though I hate it and protest it daily (hourly even) it is still true. I may not like it, but I live in a mess. I live in a house where I am not comfortable having people over. I live in a house where you can't find things. It's gross and I hate it, but it's true.

Weekends are often when the house gets to me most. We both work hard all week and weekends should be for enjoying and getting a little bit done. Instead, I have this oppressive weight hanging over me and the mess feels even worse because I should be enjoying my house. I find that the only way I can enjoy a weekend is to put in at least a little time on the house.

I get into a rut on weekends where I can't relax because the house is such a mess and there's so much to do. I feel like I should be working. But I often can't work because I'm so exhausted from the week and need some R&R. So I end up having a bad weekend because I neither got anything done nor had fun. What a waste, and I end up feeling bad and burned out on Monday.